Spilling The Tea, Part 6: I Ruined a Friendship Over AI

Spilling The Tea, Part 6:

I Ruined a Friendship Over AI

Hello hello!

I just have to point out, can you believe that this is post 6 of 8 in the series? I never thought I’d get this far with the project. If I’m being honest, I was quite hesitant about taking on such a large series. I was very hesitant to receive a negative response. However, Dear Reader, your feedback and your companionship have made this all worthwhile. Thank you for making it this far into the home stretch. I’m very grateful for you. 

So far, all of the ‘tea spillage’ from this series, has mostly happened in the (relative) distant past. However, what about new tea? What if I told you, that a drama of my own unfolded right in front of me as this series started? 

As this series was starting, I somehow ended up right in the middle of cancel culture, and how I ruined a relationship over the use of artificial intelligence. 

This is how I ruined a a friendship over AI.

First, we need to go back in time — eight and a half years to be exact. When I first started my tea blog, I’ll be candid and say, I was initially enamored by the world of tea. My first introductions to the vast world of tea vendors included many companies that were small in size. Now, they’re some of the anchors within the niche-tea companies. However, there’s a specific company that shall remain nameless for this editorial. This company is ran by one of the most humble and caring people I’ve ever met in the industry— a man named Tom. Tom is one of the warmest, coziest, and friendliest people I have met over my 10-year career in tea, and even now, I still hail him as one of the greatest the industry could ever offer.

I don’t know Tom on a very personal level, but Tom has always been a friend to me. He always believed in my blog, and I always believed in him. We always kept things relatively professional, and sometimes, we crossed into being a part of each other’s personal life. We never touched on anything political. 

However, after knowing him for 8 and a half years, he was the first to break that boundary.

This started when I got a message from Tom, who said that he accidentally sparked a debate on an internet forum called ‘Reddit’. 

First, we need to preface that Reddit is a media platform that’s broken down into various other sub-communities called ‘subreddits’ because it’s a sub-community within Reddit. Second, we need to preface the fact that any tea-related social media platform such as the tea subreddit, tea Facebook groups, etc… are overtly negative, snobbish, and just outright toxic. Too many people develop arm-chair opinions of whatever topic is brought to the table, and usually, it’s always draped in a negative connotation. Reddit thrives on negativity. 

I went over to the discussion at hand, and Tom was right. Tom was receiving a lot of negative attention over the use of companies using AI art for their packaging.

With this, while trying to stay neutral, I replied, “Outrage culture is a large part of Reddit culture.” 

With this, Tom replied, “Not just Reddit. Look at the Instagram comments on our post. Those are actual customers of ours. I didn’t want to alienate people.”

“God damnit”, I thought to myself. “Why did he drag this over to his social media?”

I went over to his page, and sure enough, he tried to spark the same conversation on his Instagram. He announced he has used several artificial intelligence designs for his packaging, and then did the ONE thing you should never do: Ask the internet for their opinion. 

I scrolled through the comments, and sure enough, everyone in the comments was outraged. Comments ranged between outrage on behalf of artists, outrage on behalf of other companies who actually commission human-based art for their packaging, and a few ‘passionate’ comments from customers announcing their boycott of the company. 

I went back to my messages and replied to Tom, “I don’t mean to be catty, but where have you been? Ever since people started using artificial intelligence, there’s always been a large pushback. This isn’t unique to our industry.” 

Tom replied, “AI is here though. People either need to accept it, and find a way to integrate with it or they’re going to have a hard time. Maybe people don’t wanna hear that. I wanted to have an open discussion about it. I guess that’s what I got.”

While frustrated, I replied, “You can’t make people like or accept it. If there’s a large pushback from you using AI designs, then maybe listen to them? If you want to go in your own direction on something, while making customers happy, then there’s bound to be a middle ground somewhere.” 

To this, he replied, “I thought a middle-ground would be using AI elements on a larger design of my own making, but the idea of using AI would make me lose customers, is just wild.” 

To that, I angrily replied, “If it’s making you lose customers, then you could always go in a different direction. It’s not like this is something you have to do.”

I closed my phone, and tried to forget the conversation at hand… 

...Until the next day, when Tom posted to his company’s social media — penning a very lengthy apology for all of the people's feelings he hurt by using artificial intelligence. After reading every sentence in his apology, I became irritated beyond belief. I then read the dozens of comments under the apology post of Tom — praising Tom of his bravery and courage for apologizing for the controversy. 

This made me irritated for several reasons. 

One, Tom and every other tea company had been using artificial intelligence for their packaging designs for the last several years. Every single tea company does it and has been doing it since AI technology became accessible. Every company. Even the companies who say they don't, actually use it. However, unlike Tom, nearly every other company in the industry did not call attention to the fact they were using AI art. In his post, he never said he was going to stop using AI.

So what did I do? 

I did the logical thing: Be smart-ass. 

Under Tom’s Instagram post, I commented, “This is a great response, but are you still going to be using artificial intelligence for your packaging designs? 

A few moments later, Tom replied, “The ones I already designed and printed and sold? I will. But, I am considering using an alternative for people who find my practices unethical.” 

With even more irritation, I replied, “So, this apology post didn’t really change the outcome. I’ll always be a fan of your shop, but apologizing without change feels disingenuous. I'm not sure I understand.” 

Then, a blogger friend of mine clapped back at me for dismissing Tom’s empathetic attempt at an apology by saying. “What’s unclear? He apologized for hurting people’s feelings. Because Tom has more empathy than most of us do, and more empathy than most of the people attacking him”. 

I replied for a final time and clapped back, “What’s unclear is the point of an apology, because an apology indicates the said action will stop. Apologizing, then turning around and continuing to do the same thing, isn’t an apology.”

Then, that same blogger friend sent me a message and said, “Dude, what’s your problem? Tom is good people, why are you being an asshole to him?” 

However, while getting caught up in being ‘right’, I did something else that I didn’t realize I was actively doing — I was betraying my friendship with Tom. Despite that I didn’t agree with Tom, I was a fan of his. Tom really was (and still is) an incredible person with an incredible heart. He had always been accepting of me and my issues, and when he confided in me, I reacted more than poorly. I enjoyed our friendship, and if I truly felt indifferent to his opinions, I could have had a conversation with him privately instead of calling him out publicly. Or, I didn’t have to say anything at all. I felt like he created an issue out of thin-air and conflated it, but, he didn’t feel that way. That is not his point of view.

After realizing I fucked up, I sent him a message saying ‘hello’ — attempting to apologize and waited for a reply. 

He left me on ‘read’. 

I sent another message, asking if I could have a chat with him directly, and to my surprise, he didn’t read it. 

I tried messaging him a third and final time, and yet, he didn’t open my messages.

Unfortunately for me, Tom did the very thing I have done many times before (even within this series) — he stopped responding to messages from someone who hurt and betrayed him…

In reflection, I realized I learned several things. First and foremost, I learned that sometimes, if someone believes in something different than you, then you don’t always have to call them out on it. We can’t make our friends believe in the same things as we do. Second, opinions really are like anuses — everyone has one. However, it doesn’t mean you need to show it to everyone either. Third, if you get comfortable enough with someone that you’re able to share hot-button opinions with, then be prepared for that person to disagree. Be prepared to view that friendship in a new light, and be prepared for it to alter the way in which you view that particular person… 

Most importantly, if you’re willing to share any kind of opinion on the World Wide Web, especially if it’s a hot-button topic, then you have got to be prepared for any kind of backlash. In society, there are certain topics of discussion that always make anyone emotional. Right now these topics include AI art, Biden/Trump, abortion, gay rights, Israel/Palestine, etc…

These are topics that will garner emotional reactions regardless of your stance or opinion. Someone will disagree with you, and sometimes, quite passionately. If you decide to share your opinions and stances on these hot-button topics, you simply can’t be surprised when you are met with an emotional reaction. These topics are emotional for a lot of people. 

Lastly, you can be ‘right’ when it comes to whichever topic is at hand. Just because you are ‘correct’ in any given viewpoint, it doesn’t give you the right to be so righteous that you inadvertently (and for me, accidentally) end up being an asshole. Besides, just because you think you are ‘correct’, it doesn’t mean you really are (except for me, I’m always right). Growing up, we had a saying that’s along the lines of, “You can be right, and you can also be dead right.” 

Was being so ‘correct’ and righteous, really worth losing a friendship over? 

No.

It wasn’t worth it.

Tom is an incredible person, and I wish I could take it back. If Tom is reading, I’d like for him to know that really, I apologize for betraying you. 

As you might know, I never shared with you my opinion of tea companies using AI art. I didn’t share my opinion with you, because I’m not an authority of any kind to make such opinions. I just know that I support my artist friends, and I support the people who are passionate about the love of art. 

Wanna know something I’m very passionate about, Dear Reader? I’m passionate about the connection you and I have! Truly, your politics do not matter to me, because you and I share a very special type of connection that transcends whatever hot-button is currently consuming the zeitgeist.

Ultimately, let’s just agree to disagree, and share a cup of tea with one another. After all, we really are in this together. 

Despite all of my shortcomings, I appreciate that you made it back here.

I can’t wait to see you next week :)

Until then,

~Cody Wade

aka The Oolong Drunk

“Blissfully Tea Drunk”