9 Life Lessons I've Learned Through Tea

Hello hello!

As my blog turns 9 in JUST a few days, I began to reflect some of the lessons I've learned over the years since starting my tea-blogging journey. Since starting, I’ve traveled all over the country teaching about various tea -related topics, while being published dozens of times in various publications across the globe. I never expected my tea-journey to take me so far, and yet, here I am! 

Below are 9 life lessons I’ve learned through tea.

Note: My actual 9-year blog anniversary post will still be posted on January 8th. 

When someone decides they don’t like you, let them.

When I started my blogging journey, I got into many social circles through 1 other particular blogger. I also got into the tea subreddit as well. However, I quickly realized that I didn’t fit into these circles. At the time, I was so discouraged that I nearly quit blogging. When I started standing on my own and detached myself from certain circles, I became much happier and started enjoying blogging for the first time. What I’ve learned is, that if someone doesn’t like you, let them. You’ll never win. You have to like yourself first, and the rest really will follow. It may not instantly happen, but it will eventually. Just keep at it. 

As cliche as this sounds, be yourself. 

Over the last 9 years of blogging, I’ve learned that there’s certainly a personality type that does better in certain social circles, over others.

However, I’ve learned that any time I’ve tried to fit the mold of certain circles, the less happy and less motivated I become. Around year 5 of my blog, I became tired of blogging and myself. There came a point where i woke up and said, “'Fuck it, I can’t fit the mold anymore. I’m going to be myself, and I don’t care what happens”.

When I decided to live my most authentic self and stopped trying to fit a mold, two things happened: First, I lost a lot of followers.

Second, I gained a lot of new ones who actually liked me for who I was.

Not only was I more authentic, but my following was also more authentic. 

Honesty is not always the best policy. 

As a writer, I’ve always had a stand-point that it was my duty to always tell the truth no matter what. However, while I still believe this, I’ve learned that there’s a right time and place for everything. I’ve managed to burn many bridges over the years by being honest. However, for honesty to be impactful, you have to use tact. Otherwise, it’ll come off like complaining. Not everyone wants to hear the truth, which is fine. But you have to be prepared for the repercussions of telling the truth -- especially if it's at the wrong time.

Is it okay to not know what you’re doing.

When I first got into blogging, I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t see any bloggers in the industry that felt similar enough to me, to take inspiration from. I was inspired by many incredible bloggers, but I could never see myself go down a similar path. I've learned that when you’re doing something new, you’ll never know what you’re doing. That’s because you’re going down a tunnel without light at the end. But, that’s the best thing possible, because that means you are the light at the end of the tunnel. Continue doing things you don’t know, and continue going down a path with no light at the end.

Lead the way :)

Internet friends are not always who they say they are.

Social Media is a wonderful tool to connect people from all over the world. I have made many incredible internet friends. I have also spent a great deal of money, meeting some of these friends in person. However, they were not who they made themselves to be. They were entirely different in person. Everyone has the capability of selling themselves differently online than in person, including myself. Not intentionally, of course. It’s like hearing your own voice being played back to you: You don’t truly know how you present yourself. The same goes for everyone else. 

Don’t measure your success against others. 

Comparison is the theft of joy, is how the saying goes. I don’t particularly find this to be true because the theft of my own personal joy is when my haters are genuinely happy. Nothing gets me angrier…

All jokes aside, I’d often look at other bloggers and used to think that they were somehow leagues above me and I’d never measure up to them. However, it wasn’t until 3-4 years ago, that I received a message from a new tea blogger who told me that they want to be as successful as I am.

I didn’t feel successful. I didn’t feel anymore/less worthy than anyone else. I struggle a lot. Who would look up to me?!

That’s when it clicked for me, that the people who I thought were leagues above me, weren't really that much better off than I was. They have the same thoughts as I do. They probably didn’t feel successful either. They’re probably measuring themselves to someone else as well. 

We’re only human. We just have to be proud of ourselves. 

Not everyone deserves kindness.

Over the past 9 years, I’ve learned that I have extended my kindness to people who did not deserve it. This isn’t unique to me, as everyone has felt this at one time or another in their lives. However, given that the tea community is such a niche community, actively avoiding one person can hinder you. It’s unfortunate, but burning the bridge with one singular person can set you back months, or years, of career progress. But how do you stay true to yourself? How do you talk highly of someone you absolutely cannot stand? 

In my 9 years, I’ve learned one very important term: Indifference.

In my blog, I’ve learned that it’s better to be indifferent towards people you dislike.

For me at least, especially in social situations, I’ve changed how I talk about people I dislike. 

“I don’t know them,” is one thing I say. Or, “I don’t have an opinion about them one way or another.” 

Or, when being asked if someone should work with a specific vendor I strongly dislike, I’ll reply, “I can’t say I had the best experience with that particular person, but others have and seem to like them. Oh, and by the way, tell them Cody says to go fuck themselves.”

(That’s indifference, right? Right?! :p) 

Ghosting is burning a bridge.

In my last year of blogging, I lost my longest friendship in tea.

In my 9 years of blogging, I've learned that communication goes a long way. Since the tea industry is spread thin, yet large, most of the time the only form of communication is through online communication. However, there have been many times when I've formulated friendships through blogging, and given distance, the only way we're able to communicate is through social media. However, some of these friendships ended when they left me on read (not for a few days or a week, but for months on end). I used to take it personally and I'd respond to this by moving on from these friendships. 

I was told that with friendships, people can come and go. Sometimes, if a friend is going through a hard time or going through a life change, I shouldn't take it personally because you never know what's going on with the other person and I should be more patient/forgiving. And when I cut off these friendships for being ghosted, I was burning a bridge.

However, I've learned that when you have friendships whose primary form of communication is through virtual communication, ghosting someone for months on end, you're the one killing that connection. You're the one cutting ties with that person. If you value someone, you can't expect them to stay in your life by being avoidant and shutting them out. You can't expect that person to still be there for you.

You can't have it both ways.

Ghosting is burning a bridge.

You can't mix water with oil.

In my 9 years of blogging, I’ve been able to conclude that as a generalization, I personally do not get along with the Seattle or the Chicago tea community. 90% of issues or bridges burned with tea people, either live in Chicago or Seattle. I don’t know why that is. It’s not intentional at all. 

However, when writing my blog series ‘Spilling The Tea’, I came to one conclusion over another: Just because I was victimized by someone, doesn't mean they don’t feel victimized by me. 

I’ve learned that sometimes, not everything is personal. Sometimes you meet people when they’re at their lowest, or sometimes, you meet people in a weird circumstance that creates the perfect opportunity for you to not get along with them (or maybe they’re from Chicago or Seattle — haha). However, one important life lesson I’ve learned is, that water and oil do not mix.

Sometimes, you may not always agree with a trusted friend. Sometimes, some connections just don’t work out. It doesn’t mean you’re a victim. It doesn't mean you victimized someone else. Sometimes, it is what it is.

And you know what? That’s perfectly okay. 

I've had to accept the fact that no one else can be as pretty, as popular, or as perfect as me (haha).

Conclusion:

Over the last 9 years, I’ve learned a lot! However, now that I’m coming up on year 10, I hope to keep learning.

Thank you for following me, and drinking with me for 9 years. I’m very lucky and very fortunate.

See you on January 8th for my blog’s 9-year anniversary! 

Best wishes, 

~Cody Wade

Aka The Oolong Drunk

“Blissfully Tea Drunk…”